Negative Habits: Exploring My Patterns


Would you like a non-dramatic, private way to evaluate your relationship to your own habits?

Habits, (including working, sex, substances, shopping, exercise, gambling, pornography or others), don’t necessarily start out as negative addictions, but can become so quickly when they function as your default ways to compartmentalize and cope with confusion in your internal, emotional life.

Negative Habits: Exploring My Patterns is a workbook to increase your own self awareness about your past unresolved grief and how to address it, either on your own, with your partner or with a therapist, so you can become more present for your future goals and desires.

This is not a book about overcoming addiction and I’m not an addictions specialist. I was a grief counselor and similar to eBooks Feeling Grief, Loss, Anger, Resolving Abandonment and Rejection, Interpreting Trauma Responses: Dissociation and Reactivity, Retrieving My Childhood Self, negative habits and complicated defenses originate as a way to cope with grief. As in my practice, this book, along with the others, guides you to non-judgmentally explore your own unresolved grief wired into your nervous system, motivating habits.

  • What do you associate with self soothing? When did this start?
  • What losses were happening in your life at that time?
  • How do negative habits feed your deeper addiction to shame?
  • What resources would you like to build up instead?

Approaching your personal story of loss, anger and coping first, instead of circling around the drama of your behaviors, you can start to demonstrate deeper curiosity about yourself, increasing the energy necessary for setting and sustaining future healthier habits.


  • Introduction: What is pain? What is pleasure?
  • Self Soothing: Pleasure and Pain
  • Adaptations
  • Authority and Identity
  • Integrity and Performance
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 25 minutes