Are you lonely?

Loneliness is different than being alone. Loneliness is the sadness of not having, or feeling like you don’t have, friends, company or family. To me, loneliness feels like a punch in the gut, while being alone can be a peaceful day of self-care.

Loneliness with others

Loneliness can also occur when you do have people around, but you feel alienated by them, at odds with who they are or what they represent. Being lonely in a long term relationship is often cited as one of the quietest forms of torture to the heart.

Loneliness as a resignation

Loneliness can also be a resignation, evolving out of emotional fatigue or exhaustion. A state of trying to get comfortable living in a life now formed by low expectations or complex problems that just couldn’t be solved e.g., staying in a bad marriage or connected to a dysfunctional family. You might think deep down, “Since I can’t have what I want, I’ll make the best of what I have.” Like when I wear sweatpants in public and my cheeky daughter asks if I’ve just gone ahead and given up. 

Loneliness as existential & spiritual alienation

When you give up and give in, rationalizing that everything is fine, there’s often an abandonment of the self that happens. The light that shines inside of you, that makes you special and ambitious in your own life, is dimmed. You’ve communicated to this part of you that  “I’m not that important.” Having your light dim or go out completely ushers in depression, a sense of being alone, not just in your world, but in your soul, in your humanity. It’s not a good state of mind.

Loneliness as invitation to resolve grief and trauma

Loneliness was the friend I thought would never leave in my life because it started early and was pervasive. I was adopted and experienced a lot of losses early in life, without a lot of context that could help me understand what was happening.

Feeling lonely, while an excruciating feeling, was also a major motivator. Trying to escape the feeling of loneliness, I was led to learning about different cultures, various ways other people lived, new ideas about psychology, spirituality, philosophy. I used these avenues to figure out what was missing in myself? What needed to happen? 

Loneliness is not synonymous with your identity

I originally thought feeling lonely was me. However, through my work as a counselor, I realize it was a reaction to my own early trauma and losses. While not fun to experience, It propelled me to build a deeply connected family and find an emotionally available partner. So now, if I get a hint of being lonely, it doesn’t have such deep, deep roots. It’s lighter, easily remedied by calling my kids, making a date with a friend, or even spending time with myself. 

You deserve to be happy and connected.

Your loneliness is an opportunity for you to gain clarity and support. You aren’t alone. Love Sex Trust Productions is built on helping you climb out of that sticky state of being lonely. We have designed tools to give you support as you learn about your own feelings of loneliness, explore how and why they started, and how to build a more connected, happier future.

It’s fascinating how sometimes we can be so unfamiliar with these fundamental areas of our own selves simply because we never thought to look deeper.

What’s Next for Me?

Your own self knowledge is your most powerful asset in life. Stimulate the conversation with yourself and your loved ones.

Begin by asking yourself:

  • How important are my feelings on this subject to me?
  • Am I being mean to myself?
  • Do I need support?

Read our E-book Love Sex Trust: An Overview


Let it all simmer, until you’re ready for more.


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