Love-Sex-Trust: An Overview

What’s your reaction to the notion that sex always becomes routine after the honeymoon period?

Are you trying to decide to stay or go?  Do you feel blocked from getting closer? Are you bored with sex? Or, overly consumed with sexual fantasy? Are you curious about your sexual potential? Do you want to feel less repressed, more knowledgeable about sex? 

A simple wish resurfaces consistently with couples. You want happier love lives. The Love-Sex-Trust approach has evolved out of years spent analyzing, in detail, what makes people suffer in relationships, what you really want instead and how to obtain and sustain something better.

Love-Sex-Trust Overview

Put simply, we are motivated by love and sex. You are wired for connection and designed to physically demonstrate love. Yet that does not mean things will unfold smoothly.

We are wired for connection and designed to physically demonstrate love. Yet that does not mean things will unfold smoothly.

While aspects of love and sex can be analyzed logically, much is difficult to explain. Just when you think you’ve figured out yourself, your mate, and your desires, things change. What is true is that Love-Sex-Trust are completely intertwined. The entire human drama from utter bliss to heartbreak emanates from this powerful triad.

When these three are humming smoothly, a beautiful positive feedback loop operates:

  • Trust developed over time can deepen love, which invites more deeply connected sex.
  • Initially intense sexual chemistry combined with repeated experiences that build trust, creates an exciting love.
  • Love that builds trust invites more sexual exploration.

Have you felt like this before? Do you want to?

This simple triad can get complicated as people have emotional injuries in any of the three areas. Unresolved issues from early on can intermingle in the present and create confusion. A closed negative cycle of Love-Sex-Trust begins, and can become entrenched over time.

Love

I am scared of loving someone too much.‍
I am not sure what love is supposed to look like.

Sex

I have been hurt sexually in the past and would like to downplay this area of life.

I am not sure what my ideal sexual self is.

Trust

People will typically be disappointing.‍
It’s easier to not get too close so I won’t get hurt.

If these negatives resonate, your relationships may be distressing. Since two people build the base for a couple relationship, if there is confusion/distress in the areas of love, sex or trust, the foundation is weak. So, when stressors arise, the couple “under performs,” activating the negative feedback loop. Over time, this negative loop can become habituated, so while attached, it is through distress.

Within the individual, the private emotional world isn’t so good. People can feel unsettled, sometimes desperate, emotionally cut off, pissed off, rejected, inadequate, distracted by their fantasies or simply not committed. Sometimes people have felt this way for so long they start to assume it’s just “who they are” and not something that can change.

  • If there is love without sexual desire, one or both partners can get bored, feel rejected and less attached.
  • If there is sex without trust, love is superficial and you start to feel lonely and anxious or guilty.
  • If there is trust without sex, it can feel like a duty to take care of another.

It’s fascinating how sometimes we can be so unfamiliar with these fundamental areas of our own selves simply because we never thought to look deeper.

What’s Next for Me?

Your own self knowledge is your most powerful asset in life. Stimulate the conversation with yourself and your loved ones.

Begin by asking yourself:

  • How important are my feelings on this subject to me?
  • Am I being mean to myself?
  • Do I need support?

Read our E-book Love Sex Trust: An Overview

Let it all simmer, until you’re ready for more.

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